Healing through books

How reading has helped me through tough times

Reading is the perfect escape during tough times

If you follow me on social media you may have seen that I recently shared some personal news.

Nearly seven weeks ago I went for an early pregnancy scan where I found out that the pregnancy was ectopic, one of my fallopian tubes had ruptured and I needed to be rushed into emergency surgery that same afternoon.

The experience of undergoing unexpected surgery combined with the emotion of losing a pregnancy was a lot to deal with and for the past weeks I have been doing my best to heal physically and emotionally. In my last newsletter I shared that I read 13 books in August… well, now you know why I’ve been reading so much.

My surgery was performed via keyhole but I found the physical recovery much tougher than I was expecting. For several weeks I was bed-bound and unable to do much at all except read. I am now back to writing and swimming but my energy levels are still not back to normal. I have been reading voraciously, grateful for the escapism of books.

Now, more than ever, I feel indebted to books and the lifeline they have offered me when I’ve needed them.

This is not the first time that I’ve turned to books in order to heal. I still remember the first book I read after having my son over three years ago, back when I was feeling overwhelmed by the adjustment to new motherhood. It took a while to get the energy back for reading but when I did I read Ghosts by Dolly Alderton and it gripped me from the first page. Reading again felt like coming home.

Last year when I lost my grandfather and godmother in quick succession I turned to reading. I remember listening to Yellowface by R.F. Kuang as an audiobook on the long drives to and from the hospital visiting my godmother in her final days. Immersing myself in a gripping story helped me switch off enough to be able to drive.

In the early days after her death when grief knocked me sideways I listened to audiobooks again, the words wrapping me up like a blanket as I lay on the floor unable to do much of anything else.

As the days and weeks lengthened I picked up physical books again. I read non-fiction about grief, finding solace and recognition in the stories of other people who had shared experiences of loss. I read children’s books for comfort, rom-coms for a dose of joy and cosy fantasy to step into another world. I read my grandfather’s and godmother’s favourite books (Dickens and The Secret Garden) to help me feel closer to them and I re-read my favourite books to help me feel closer to myself – to the me before grief ripped a hole in my life.

Going through the tough moments I’ve experienced this year and finding such genuine pleasure, reassurance and escapism in books has made me prouder than ever to do the job that I do and to write the kind of books that I write.

Because I know how important books that make you smile and cry and laugh can be. They’re not always necessarily the books that win prizes or get written about in broadsheet newspapers or ‘books to read before you die’ lists. But sometimes, they can be exactly what you need.

Thank you for reading my books, whether on life’s good days or maybe on the bad ones too. Thank you for letting me do this job that on the days when I talk to my friends who are doctors and teachers feels frivolous, but on the odd day when I receive a message from a reader saying a book of mine helped them through a tough time, feels actually pretty important.

And thank you to the authors whose books have held my hand when I’ve needed it recently. Life has a way of throwing things at you and who knows what my next chapter will look like. But I feel comforted knowing that there will always be stories to turn to for support when I need them, characters to fall for when I could do with an extra friend and new places to discover when I want to be somewhere else for a while.

All I have to do is pick up a book.  

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A toolkit for tough times

If you’re also going through a tough time, here are some things that have helped me recently…

• My favourite comfort reads

• Books about grief

• If you missed my most recent newsletter, take a look for a list of the books that have soothed me recently.

• Lazy Yin Yoga - This video was the first movement I did post-surgery and I found it so soothing.

• The Art of Rest by Claudia Hammond. I loved this book and am planning a post about learning to rest because it feels like a skill many of us have lost or, like me, never learnt.

• ‘But what if it all goes right?’ I have this print on the wall in my office and I find it really helpful when I’m struggling to feel hopeful. Bad things happen. But good things can come along too.